


Can I Carry On?

by HiddenEmily (Sabis_dream_world)



Series: Snowbazzzz [1]
Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell, Fangirl - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: Anger, Angst, Best Friends, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Established Relationship, Eventual Smut, F/M, Flashbacks, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Magic, POV Agatha Wellbelove, POV Alternating, POV First Person, POV Simon Snow, POV Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Past Abuse, Past Character Death, Past Relationship(s), Post-Canon, Post-Watford (Simon Snow), Romance, long fic, might go slightly OOC with some characters, will add more tags
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-28
Updated: 2017-12-12
Packaged: 2018-12-21 02:02:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11934012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sabis_dream_world/pseuds/HiddenEmily
Summary: The Carry On gang deal with life after Watford. They learn more about each other, and Simon & Baz become closer. Can Simon move on?(multi-POV)





	1. Public Funeral

**Author's Note:**

> \- My first time writing a Carry On fic. Also, I listened to the audiobook, didn't read it, so there might be some spelling mistakes in place/people names.
> 
> \- I'm not used to writing in first person so I may have a couple of mistakes here and there, sorry about that.
> 
> \- I don't own Carry On characters unfortunately but Rainbow Rowell does and I envy her. :P
> 
> \- *I will most likely update once a month but don't hold me to it* (I've never abandoned a fic so far and don't plan to with this one. However! school is starting in September so...bear that in mind please)

SIMON

I stand in the room looking through my closet. It’s pretty bare unsurprisingly. Before Watford I was used to a pair of jeans and a couple shirts. Then Watford came with it’s brilliant uniform that I wore for nearly eight years. I still have it somewhere.

 

After the ordeal in the White Chapel I couldn’t bare the sight of anything reminding me of Watford, except of course Baz and Penny. Penny and I, accompanied by Baz, came to our apartment one evening and my uniform was on the bed.

“Baz is this some kind of joke?” I yelled out the door.

“What are you on about Snow?” Baz yelled back.

I thought that this would be something the old Baz would do but not the new Baz, not my boyfriend Baz. But then again everyone had tried to get me over the whole situation and it had only been a couple of weeks. Maybe it was Penny and some new method to get me to deal with my feelings. I was never good with feelings, she knew that, and Baz could definitely attest to that.

 

I rummage through the closet to see if the uniform is still there. It is, gathering dust from months gone by. I stare at it for a long time deciding whether I should wear the uniform, in honour of Ebb, or just stick to something black. It’s not like she actually knows what I’m wearing, she’s gone.

I take a deep breath and put on the uniform.

There’s a gasp from the door and I immediately turn around. Penny is standing there with her mouth wide open.

“It’s rude to stare you know.” I say because I don’t want her to ask about the uniform.

“You’re wearing…”

“Yes. Now, let’s get on with this.”

“Do you want me to spell your wings and tail invisible?” She asks wand at the ready.

My wings and tail tingle instinctively when she mentions them. I don’t know when I started getting used to them but I feel like I've always had them.

“No.” I say. It’s a bit rough but today is already feeling exhausting even though it’s only morning. And I know the rest of the day is only going to get worse.

“Where’s Baz?” I ask.

“He says he’ll be here in five minutes.” Penny replies and goes to the kitchen.

There’s a knock at the door.

“Speak of the devil.” I mutter. Though strictly speaking if anyone’s going to be playing devil it should be me since I’m the one with the damn tail. I open the door for Baz and wait for the surprised gasp.

“Good choice.” Is all Baz says regarding my uniform and I am thankful for it.

 

We learned quickly to read each other’s moods and facial expressions, though in my opinion Baz was always quite good at it. Only two weeks ago we were in a cafe when Robin fucking Hood stormed in with a swarm of children behind him. It wasn’t actually Robin Hood but he might as well have been.

“Christ, what is wrong with Normals?” Baz has started to swear like Normals, it’s quite fascinating.

But he immediately paid for our food and we left. He glanced at me and decided it was better not to talk about the association I had obviously made between Robin Hood and the Mage. Instead, he talked about his aunt leaving town for a week. I was thankful for not having to go through a long painful conversation.

 

I look back at him standing in the door and smile weakly.  
Penny hands me a sandwich and we drive off to Watford.  
Penny said she thought my extreme hunger would go away after I poured all my magic into the Humdrum but it was still there, however she might have been partially right because I don’t seem to be as needy of food as I used to be. Baz blames my less intense eating habits on stress.

I look over at Baz. He’s wearing a black suit with a purple and green bow tie, and he looks smashing. If today wasn’t such an important and sad day I would lead him into a dark alley and kiss him like my life depended on it. Sometimes I think it does.   
Penny is wearing a black skirt with a black blouse. It’s strange to see her without any colors.

 

She said they are her only funeral clothes and she won’t buy anymore because if she does there will be more funerals. I didn’t bother pointing out her faulty logic.

 

BAZ

I can feel Snow’s leg shake nervously against my leg. I reach down and put down my hand on it to settle him. I’m quite surprised he decided to wear the uniform what with the extreme reminder of Watford. Actually, I’m not surprised at all. I know how much the goat-herd meant to him. Well, Ebb. We got into a stupid fight about that just two days ago.

 

Snow didn’t like me calling her a goat-herd.

“Crowley Snow, why not? She is a goat-herder. She chose to do that and she enjoyed it. If anything, she was very proud of it. So what’s wrong with calling her that?” I said, pointing out the obvious.

“Because it’s not her bloody name!” He yelled but I just raised my eyebrow.

“What is it with you and names Baz? Why are you incapable of calling Penny, well, Penny, why Bunce? And the same with Agatha? And not to mention, me. My name is Simon.” By the end of that phrase it was obvious Snow had deflated completely. In the past I would've worried about him going off but, well,...

I wanted to have a debate on that, I wanted to fight. I felt like that’s what we both needed. That’s what were used, it was what we knew but I decided to let it go. It wasn’t easy. But I knew Snow was having a tough enough time without me making it harder.

 

The uniform suits him well, as per usual. He is however going to stand out like a sore thumb. But maybe that was always Simon. The one who stood out. At least for me.

 

PENNY

The car is unnaturally quiet and I want to say something, anything, but I’m pretty sure that Simon would ignore me and Baz would yell at me for upsetting Simon. I don’t want to upset Simon, but he’s just so fragile right now.

 

SIMON

I can see the towers of Watford. It’s hard for me to imagine that this used to be the place I hungered for throughout each summer, when now all I want to do is avoid it. To never see it again. Not because I think it’s a bad place. I still have so many wonderful memories here. But those memories have been overshadowed by something worse and that can never change.

“We’re here.” Penny announces as if it weren’t obvious.

The gates open for us and we walk over to the little hut. I try to avoid gazing at the towers of the school. I try not gazing at Mummer’s House but it’s hard not to. I catch Baz looking that way and he smirks at me.

“All the things we could’ve been doing…” he whispers in my ear and it sends shivers down my spine. I try not to let my mind flood with images of Baz shoving me against our room door to kiss me. I wouldn’t be surprised if the Anathema would have kicked in because of that.

I can see a group of people I’ve never seen before gather around. They must be part of the Coven. Baz told me there’s a special ritual for the burial of magicians and they want to honour Ebb’s sacrificial death.  
I want to yell at them that she never wanted anything to do with their stupid war but I don’t have it in me. Not anymore. I wonder if my magick fuelled all my energy and now that it’s gone I have no more energy left.

 

I told Baz I wanted to have a smaller gathering to honour Ebb after the Coven left because it just feels like they’re intruding.

 

AGATHA

I’m nearly at Watford. I drove straight from the airport here. I feel bad for not telling my parents that I’m in England but I’ll visit them before I leave.

 

A week ago Penny asked me if I would come to Ebb’s funeral.

“You can visit your family in the mean time.” Penny said.

“I don’t want to visit my family.” I replied.

“Well it’s at the school on Wednesday at around noon. No specific attire but probably black.”

I sighed.

“Okay.” I said and we hung up.

I wasn’t actually going to go but I needed to get Penny off the phone. The point of me moving to California was to get away from everything Watford, the Coven, the World of Mages. Of course, there are magicians in California, I’ve even run into them but I don’t know them. I’m living like a Normal in a dorm with Minty. But after my conversation with Penny I reluctantly replayed the events of that terrible day and felt guilty for not coming to honour the woman that saved my life. I also wanted to be here for Simon because I knew how much Ebb meant to him, even though I never really understood it.  
He took me once to see her when we were younger and he would listen to her talk but I had no patience for it. I can’t even imagine how Penny must have reacted to Ebb.

 

I can see Penny and Simon, and members of the Coven standing near the hut surrounded by goats. It would be quite a comical scene if everyone wasn’t wearing black, signifying the real reason why we are here. What surprises me is that Baz is here. Maybe it shouldn’t surprise me. The last time I saw Simon and Penny they were almost friendly with Baz but I thought it would all end after their little truce.

 

BAZ

I look to my right and see Wellbelove walking towards us. Instinctively I pull Snow in a little closer, now that he’s mine. I don’t even know if she knows we’re together. Simon and I decided that we would be discreet today.

 

“I don’t want to be all lovey-dovey at Ebb’s funeral.” Snow said suddenly out of the blue. We were sitting on my couch going through the channels in hopes of finding something interesting.

“Snow. When are we actually lovey-dovey?” I said rolling my eyes.

“Baz, you know what I mean. We are known for being at each others throats. Being even remotely on good terms will look lovey-dovey.” He replied rolling his eyes back at me.

I was still stuck on his comment about throats. My eyes jerked down to look at his long neck exposing his Adam’s apple. I still wasn’t sure whether I wanted to bite it or kiss it.

“We can be however you want.” I said.

“It’s just…not many people know and it would be a surprise…I want people to know but that day will be about Ebb, not us.”

“I get it Snow. We’ll be friendly. Not lovey-dovey.”

He grimaced at the last bit.

 

“Wellbelove.” I nod at the blonde girl. It looks like she’s got a tan from the few months she’s been in California.

“Agatha.” Simon looks up from the ground. He seems almost surprised. Did he even know she was coming?

 

PENNY

I go up to hug Agatha because I’m not sure if Simon will. Not because there’s any bad blood between them but because he’s just not much of a hugger. Except for with Baz, something I found out early on.

I look at where Agatha is gazing at. She’s staring at Simon and Baz. The two boys are only in a semi-embrace, so it’s not obvious they are together but they do look quite intimate. Something the old Simon and Baz would never be in a million years. I wonder if Agatha has figured it out yet or if Simon will tell her later. I don’t know whether I should feel sorry for her. Afterall, she is the one who dumped Simon. But she did dump him partially for Baz. It’s such a complicated situation that it makes my head hurt. It’s so much easier with Micah and I.

Before anything else can be said one of the Coven members begins the ritual.

 

SIMON

I breathe out when the Coven members leave. Being surrounded my so much magick is suffocating. I don’t even know if it’s actually suffocating or if it’s just because I miss magick.

Agatha walks up to me and gives me a hug. Even though I’m not one for hugs I melt into it.

“It’s good to see you Simon.” She says and I can tell she’s being honest.

“You too.” I say back.

It’s just the four of us now.

 

Baz said that his aunt Fiona might come. After all, Ebb and her had been good friends back in the day. He even wanted to get Nicodemus to come but he isn’t sure if it will happen.

 

It seems quiet now that there is no chanting going on. All that can be heard are the goats.


	2. Unwelcoming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fiona and Nicodemus show up at the funeral, words are exchanged. Agatha is confused by the whole situation with everyone, especially Baz and Simon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very very very late, I know I know. The semester just swallowed me up but it has ended and only two exams left, so here's another chapter. I HOPE to post another one in the next few weeks of Christmas (hope being the operative word).

BAZ

I can see a figure approaching the hill. Simon is preoccupied with Penny who is trying to be reassuring so I walk towards the figure. It doesn’t take long to figure out it’s my aunt.  
“Fiona. You’re late.”  
“Oh hush Baz. When did you get all uptight.”  
My jaw drops but before I can say anything Fiona is walking towards the group.

SIMON

“Oh look. It’s the mage’s heir.” I hear Fiona say with disgust.  
My fists clench and I try to keep myself in check. Not because I might blow up, because I won’t, but because the last thing I need is another row with Baz.  
“Stop it.” I say as calmly as I can.  
“Or what? You will…choke me with your tail?” She says back with a smirk.  
Baz steps in front of his aunt.  
“Fiona. That’s enough. If you can’t be here without disrespecting Simon then leave.” Baz says.  
“I can’t believe it. Still putting up a fight for the sake of this low-life. Did you forget how he destroyed our home?” Fiona says incredulously.

BAZ

If Simon doesn’t punch her in the face I might. Fiona is going too far with this.

“He didn’t do it on purpose Fiona. If you’re only going to stay to argue then you might as well leave.”

“Ebb was your friend.” I hear Snow say.

Fiona just waves her hand dismissively as if it meant nothing. However, I can tell that she is shaken by the death of her old friend even if they hadn’t been on the best of terms. In submission, she rolls her eyes and walks over to the grave.

 

It takes me back to my frequent visits to the catacombs. Sure I was there for the rats, but even more so for my mother. Ebb wasn’t Snow’s family relation in any way but he had never really had a family, so friends were his family, which is why Ebbs death stung him so much. I tried not to feel pity for him but I did, I just never showed it lest Snow punched me in the face for that.

 

I can see another figure approaching in the distance. It’s hard to tell who it is, what with sun slowly setting.

“What is he doing here?” I hear Fiona say and so take a better look at the figure. Alas, it’s Nicodemus. I invited him but didn’t actually think he would show.

“Simon Snow, you have very strange friends.” Fiona sneers.

“That’s enough Fiona. I invited him.” I say.

“What? Why?”

“It’s his sister!” I raise my hands in frustration. Why do I have to keep explaining things to people?

PENNY

I probably shouldn’t be surprised that Nicodemus showed or that Baz invited him. Baz had a strange soft spot for him, possibly because they were both vampires. I can see Simon only barely registered his presence being too preoccupied with staring out into the distance.

“You are not welcome here Nico.” Fiona says lifting her chin up.

“Nice to see you too Fiona.” Nicodemus snarls.

I can see Agatha slowly creep up closer to me and behind me.

BAZ

For Simon’s sake, I decide to take Fiona a little further from the grave, and to let Nicodemus say his goodbyes with his sister.

“Snow?” I say gently in his ear.

“Hm?” Snow barely turns around.

“You take your time. I will be over there.”

Snow just nods turning back.

SIMON

“She really meant something to you…” Nicodemus says from beside me.

“She never wanted anything to do with this stupid war but she got sucked in just like others have. It’s not fair.” I say, a tear making its way down my face. I can’t even tell if I’m crying for Ebb’s sake or for my role in the war.

“No, it isn’t fair.” Nicodemus looks down.

“She…she missed you. She talked about you, in as much as she could anyway.” I say to the man and at that the vampire leaves.

It isn’t moments before the comforting presence of Baz envelops me again.

“We don’t have to leave yet if you don’t want. Fiona and Nicodemus are gone. Bunce, Wellbelove and I will be by the gates.” Baz whispers in my ear before leaving.

I’m alone again. Maybe I’ve always been alone, only pretended I wasn’t. I try not to let the guilt for Ebb’s death flood through me but it does, so I finally let it. I let the sobs come out not even caring who sees or hears them anymore.

AGATHA

I look at Penny, trying to decipher what in the world is going on. I feel like I’m in some strange alternate world where things don’t make sense. Why was there a vampire, other than Baz, at the grave? Why was there such a fight between said vampire and Baz’s aunt? And why do I have this strange feeling that I am missing some really big piece of information? Are Simon and Baz still on their truce? I wonder how to ask Penny all these questions but it doesn’t seem like the appropriate time. I just stare as Baz whispers something in Simon’s ear, gently brushing his fingers on his arm, and I can’t let my eyes leave that scene even though it has long changed.

“He just needs some more time. I said we’d be waiting here.” Baz says in a gentle tone. I don’t think I’ve ever heard him use such a gentle tone and most definitely not in relation to Simon. This whole day has been bizarre.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tbc

**Author's Note:**

> Funeral part 2 coming up next.
> 
> Kudos and comments are always welcome :)


End file.
